Where the sun is, I am. If it’s cloudy, I look beyond and make my day anyway.

Thursday February 5^th 2009:  After three days of bad weather everything suddenly calmed down and the sea evened out just beautifully. If not completely flat, it certainly felt so. Marianne and I took the bus out to the cliffs at noon for a short walk. We took another route this time, a route with not so much climbing up and down as the path to town. A perfect day and the sun spread out like trying to compensate and excusing itself for being away for so long.

The sea surface down below was clear, transparent-blue-green and with a fresh smell that both Marianne and I recognize with pleasure. The taste of those oysters we had for lunch two days ago very much felt present and suddenly the landscape came complete. I believe you need all senses to harmonize to be happy. Unfortunately that is not always so and for me and Marianne it’s like “Grab the moment when it appears” otherwise it will never come back to you.

For me, many happy moments before my transition have been quite odd. Together with Marianne we grabbed those moments for sure and I have had many good moments with my children, previous family and in my youth at school too. But I more and more start to realize that I have lost an almost full life. I have past the 50 year barrier and now when I can feel my body harmonize with my soul, I also understand the difference when it didn’t. When you never have experienced happiness, it many times becomes just a word without meaning.

I know that I in many ways have been fortunate and that many like me, whose gender at birth has been questioned, may not be alive today. One way for me showing respect to that, is to enjoy life the time I have left. Another way which I also practice is to try to assist by showing and write as I do, in order to enlighten people that we too are human beings. I’m very happy to have noticed that people in common, all those regular Joe’s out there, are receptive and not trans-phobic at all as sometimes said. I hope and do believe that we care for our children whatever gender they are blessed with and if there is a mix-up in gender of any kind, we want to help.

Its sunny days like this these my thoughts assemble, but also with the gleam of hope that we can overcome the intolerance our societies often force upon us. I look into the sun and I see hope, and even if clouds appear now and then, that light far beyond doesn’t need to be that far if we just invite it. The light in my soul I can share with many, you just have to be open and make it happen.

Marianne and I made our way back to the bus stop again and after a few minutes the bus picked us up and took us back to town. We of course ended up at the harbor pub again and what happened there is quite a different story. I have a feeling though that you can guess what?

Many sunny hugs,

- Li