Marriage 4: Apart we come closer, in silence we meet.

Thursday July 9^th 2009: Why do we seek a partner, a spouse? Sexual intimacy… Yes of course. Children… Hmm, yes why not? And…? We don’t think that much further emotionally, do we? Not when we are okay with everything; and if not, we divorce, “no further questions asked”. Do we need to ask any further questions, do we need to know? I have a feeling we do need to know. It’s like, don’t underestimate love, it’s wide; you don’t have to argue or say a word to fill that space, but the key to enter could sometimes be useful to have.

…

Entering the next car Marianne and I found our new acquaintances in full action. There were no seats here like in the car we had entered for our journey. Instead it was like two open booths on each side of the aisle with draperies, and lined up at the end of each booth there was a cabin with a door and a sign saying “Bath & Restroom”. There were no windows here, but further down the aisle, after the bath & restroom cabins, light from outside could be seen.

It was obvious that Marianne and I had the left side booth, as Helen and Roy had occupied the right side. On the short end of each booth in our traveling direction, there was an open sort of wardrobe with some clothes hung up and Helen immediately had found what she was looking for.

“Look, this is a dress that I always have wanted to wear,” Helen happily said showing it to us all.

“There! There Roy, there you have your suit. Look, there we have shoes,” Helen exclaimed happily after turning her attention back to the wardrobe again.

Roy picked out his suit with a smile and showed us. Somehow it all fitted in, these clothes, just them in all their glory, and Marianne and I went over to check them out. Strange was that there were no other clothes in their wardrobe than just these, but again, nothing else and nothing more was needed.

It all started out very exiting; their clothes that had been placed there for them looked real good, and Helen was first in their restroom to freshen up and change.

“Come on Roy, there is room for you too,” she was quick back telling Roy, and he just disappeared in there with her and with me not understanding a thing: that cabin looked so small.

I mean, that restroom cabin was small. How could it be poss…? Okay, stupid question again and Marianne didn’t say anything. Marianne? I turned. Marianne had quickly moved over to our side and our wardrobe and I could see she was smiling all over her face. Even if she had her back mostly turned to me covering up what was in there, I just felt and recognized that her smile was of pure joy.

We had been so occupied by our new discoveries that we hadn’t noticed the train slowing down again and almost had come to a stop.

“You go and welcome our new guests,” Marianne was quick telling me, like pushing me away not letting me see what clothes were aimed for me, not just now anyway.

I didn’t fight it and anyway my clothes would be there for me in a minute, so I just had to go back to our car to meet…? Yes, who? As I entered our previous car the train stopped and I looked out the windows. Oh my God, what was that?

All I could see was two big Hell’s Angels-looking guys aiming to enter the train. What was I supposed to do now? I went to my seat and sat down… stood up… and sat down again. “Ohh God, what shall I do?” I thought out loud. I could hear the guys entering; I saw them coming down the aisle and they were huge, with mustaches, tattoos, jeans, leather and all. “I’m dead” I thought, “But not quite yet”, was my next more positive thought. The two guys checked their tickets and found their seats just two rows in front of me. They had no luggage, just typical for this journey, and when they sat down I stood up. I walked over to them and greeted them with a welcome. Their before-so-strict faces immediately turned happy to see me, and the guy in the aisle seat stood up and hugged me like a bear so I almost disappeared in his arms.

It was a gentle, sincere and happy hug and as usual I didn’t understand a thing. At that point I had given up my questioning anyway, so I gently hugged him back. The guy hugging me presented himself as Oscar and his friend… mate… or… , as Roger. Roger stood up too and came out in the aisle and hugged me too. They were so… nice, don’t bother, I’m not telling.

Our train conductor showed up and I was released as he came down the aisle to meet with the newly arrived passengers. He smiled happily at me with a twinkle in his eye and I didn’t know where to turn. I guess I was a bit embarrassed or so, but just a bit, no more. Tickets were checked and the new passengers were handed over to me. They were told so by the train conductor anyway and so they did.

Okay, I did explain everything to them. Even those things I didn’t understand. I invited them for dinner and advised them to freshen up in the next car as we did. I had no clue where as there were only two booths that I knew of anyway. So when I had finished explaining, they happily followed me down the aisle.

Marianne was obviously in our restroom cabin changing into something I didn’t know what. AND as it happened, Helen and Roy had just come out of theirs. I presented everybody to one another AND Helen gladly helped Oscar and Roger to find THEIR clothes in what had become THEIR wardrobe now. Strange, these guys you don’t think of as even bothering about clothes, but they did and obviously very much so. And they were chatting intensely with Helen and Roy about it while checking out their outfits for dinner. Both Oscar and Roger seemed very happy about the clothes that had been chosen for them. By whom, I had no idea.

And, well yes, Helen and Roy really looked good dressed up in their outfits. They had seemed to grow in personality and as a pair. There was something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but they matched each other beautifully. This stereotype about men not caring about how they dress and so on, hmm… I have to think about that some more. Here, Roy, Oscar and Roger showed that this was not the case at all. Maybe…? No, that has to wait.

I peeked down the next section of the car where the light came in from outside through windows, and it turned out to be an open area with some bar stools, some small tables attached to the wall and a bar. When I peeked inside the bar, I found our train conductor there: now dressed as the bar man mixing drinks. I got that twinkling smile back from him as before and, without thinking, I invited Helen and Roy to the bar for a drink while we others made ourselves ready for dinner and whatever was going to happen after that.

Marianne came out from our restroom cabin and immediately joined in as it was nothing to it. Marianne just looked stunning and the dress she wore… I could feel it and I could see in her face that it was exactly right and what she could ever have wanted. And with Marianne now taking over the show after me, she with a very broad smile advised me to get dressed: “I have hung all your things in there” she said pointing to our cabin restroom door.

“Okay,” I think I said when turning to the door to get in. I didn’t question, no nothing.

…

Where was I, hmm… oh yes; men don’t like to dress up. True is that I myself didn’t back then, as man I mean. But again, I have never been a man. Those male clothes were all wrong to me. Strange, so now I dress up for my wife Marianne as female, hmm… how does it fit in? Do men dress up for their spouse? And what about Oscar and Roger, are they…?

Wait a minute, what is it I’m not saying here? I dress up for me to feel good and Marianne does the same for her to feel good too, but we also dress as a pair to make the both of us feel good being out together. As one we do want to look good when go out, and in the same sort of way we care about each other too. I wonder: in marriage, caring about each other as one, isn’t that what makes life a ball?